If you have never adopted a child before, I will let you in on a little secret.  The process, for most, begins with a picture.  You are sitting there unaware and you click on a link or you open an email and you see a face staring back at you.  A face that is instantly seared onto you heart.  One that causes you to realize that this is your child even though you have never seen them before.  Now, I know that most people who know us think that we get that feeling about every picture that we see!  But that isn’t true.  We see pictures of many wonderful children who need a home every day.  But only a (relatively) small number stir up all the emotions that bonds us to that child instantly.

In July 2013, I was out grilling the family dinner, minding my own business, looking forward to the two girls we would be adopting before the end of the year, when I saw this picture posted on Facebook:

As with every child we have adopted before and since, this picture melted our hearts and ultimately lead to us adopting Jessie.  I have posted this picture before, several times, and I happy to say that not only did this picture motivate us, but it has also been the catalyst for several other families to adopt.  One of those is in China right now adopting a little girl from the same orphanage.

But I post it now because we recently celebrated Jessie’s 15th birthday, her second birthday since arriving in our home last year.  Now, I don’t typically post birthday pictures of the kids, not because each child and their birthday is not special, but because I think there are just so many present opening and candle blowing out pictures you, the reader, would want to see before you became bored and stopped reading.  My kids were just complaining yesterday that I only put some of their birthday pictures on the blog.  While these pictures are very special to our family, they probably lack a significant amount of appeal to those outside our four walls.

But as I watched Jessie opening her presents…

… and blow out her candle …

… and being our typical Jessie …

… I was stunned by the realization that 18 months ago we did not even know who she was!  In 18 short months, we saw her picture, fell in love, traveled to China, and have celebrated TWO birthdays with her.  For a process that typically takes so long, God chose to bring her into our lives on His time.  In His manner.  At His speed.  And now we can not even imagine a life without her.

As we have gone down this adoption road, we have been forced to realize that God’s timing is perfect and that our impatience and frustration really won’t speed the process up!  It only makes the time pass more slowly and painfully.  With each adoption, we have slowly started to realize that a better option is to sit back and wait on God’s timing as it is, and always has been, perfect.

We received notice on Monday that we would get our LOA (Letter of Approval) for Charlie and Ashley within the next several days.  It is now Saturday and that LOA may now not come for awhile.  While frustrating, we know that the LOA will come when it needs to come, and we will travel when we are supposed to travel, and Charlie and Ashley will become a part of our family when God feels it is time.  He is sovereign and life goes so much more smoothly when we remember that …

Cameron

I am sitting home alone with Leah while the others have gone to church. I have taxed her little body by getting her in the shower, so now she is relaxing horizontal on the couch trying to recover from the relentless spinning in her head. The spiced tea that didn’t get made on Thanksgiving is waiting on the stove for the kids return. I decided to work on the greenery and lights on the staircase. This has become my favorite Christmas decoration, not because of its beauty, not because of how the kids pretty much think I am the Martha Stewart of Christmas decorations because I do it, but because of what it represents.

I put the greenery up a few years ago for the first time ever. I had wanted to do it for much longer than that, but circumstances got in the way. Finally, one year, I decided it was time. You see for many years prior the decorating for Christmas was hard. It seemed like decorating required energy I didn’t have and so I did what was required in order for my kids to feel the joy and excitement of Christmas, but I didn’t do a bit more. Because, quite frankly, when you know that one of your children is going to struggle on Christmas just to function in daily life, the leading up to it seems silly. But then, I put up the greenery.

As I twisted that greenery and hung those lights it was like a freedom came over my heart to rejoice. Not in the decorations, not in the joy most of my children felt for the season, not even in our circumstances changing, but freedom to rejoice in the one for whom the season is about. Christmas came back to life that year because my focus was redirected. Life continued on with exactly the same struggles. My mother’s heart broke daily, hourly – really every minute – for a child who was asked to struggle with something bigger than most adults can handle, and yet, Emmanuel was there. His grace was abiding with us every second of our day, and if my focus was right, I could see it – or at least believe that it was the only reason we were able to carry on as a family.

So as the greenery went up this morning I was reminded that even if Leah has to lay flat the entire Christmas season, even if all the plans we have laid have to be readjusted, even if she doesn’t get to see the decorations until one of us carries her up to bed this evening, Emmanuel is here. He is the only reason we decorate and celebrate, and that will not be forgotten, ignored or linger in the background this Christmas season at the Bernadsky house. We may not be able to walk through every live nativity but we will see that Baby Jesus in everything we do and we will be ever grateful for a Heavenly Father who sacrificed his Son that we might know joy and peace every day, in every circumstance.

Thanksgiving was a bust for me as I spent it in the hospital with Leah – but it didn’t change how thankful I am for a list too long to record. So Christmas will come and go – how that plays out is yet to be determined – but I can promise you this, a merry Christmas will ring in the heart of every Bernadsky because our focus will stand on Jesus! Praying a Merry Christmas to everyone as your focus is directed to the only reason for the season – Jesus.

Kelly